Wow, This Drinking Beer and Talking Thing is Awesome

by Luke "Bear" Kearns 

Wow, guys. Really. We should do this a lot more--this "drinking beers and talking" thing. For some reason, in all my years of heavy recreational drinking I've never thought about combining the loosening effects of inebriation with the simple comfort of speaking with another person. God, it's so awesome. Josh, that shit you said about your dad and how you hate it when he never shows up to our games. Heavy. And Riley, all that stuff you said about your mom taking muscle relaxers every fall. That's so messed up, man. And, and Meatstick, I can't even fucking believe all that shit you said about the universe. I mean, are you even serious? It's accelerating? For real? GOD! Why don't we do this more often? 

Talking for myself, I guess I was just so busy at those post-game after-parties, and those pre-game pre-game parties dancing with hotties and taking jello-shots and generally having a stoked time. I never ever thought about stumbling out onto the porch and verbalizing thoughts into coherent strings of words/sentences. Is this where you guys have been all junior year? It's not that I blame myself. Jenny Heiser is a total hotty and have you guys seen Lindsey's ass lately??? Damn, that girl has really filled out. But this, this is real. All that other stuff is bunk! This is real. Really real shit: Real conversations. Real problems. Real feelings. No, no, wait a second. I'm not talking crazy. I know what they say, that you talk weird when you drink but I think it is just the opposite. You really just tell the truth and stuff. Honest. Hey! Let go of me! I'm not done with that. 

SEE? This is what I mean guys! It's this Kelly thing. I need to talk about this shit. She just won't answer my calls and her dad...her dad is-such-a-prick. Thinks he's hot shit because he's got a Toyota dealership. Fucker. All right, I'm fine. 

Okay: Let's make a pact. We do this every Friday. I don't care about the girlfriends, or the coaches, or the parties: I just care about us. Us getting together and airing the news out. Letting it breath. I care about guy's stuff, guy's time, and guy's feelings. Scotty, I totally support you trying out for My Fair Lady. And Bill, I want you to tell me what happens with Amber. I'm really concerned. So, everybody, what do you say? Meet under the new bleachers once a week? We can just talk about our parents, or homework, or all the pressure we feel as well-toned student athletes dedicated solely to winning. MAN! We can just talk about anything. And someday. Maybe someday we won't need this moderately tasty alcohol I've made myself enjoy. Someday we'll just...just talk and it will be this "talking" thing that is so awesome. All right, hands in. Whoever doesn't come or whoever doesn't bring a sixer has to let us hit him in the nuts, EACH. Deal? All right, on three.........