Can Someone Pitch Me a Movie That Doesn't Require Special Effects?

By Brendan Fraser

I'm an actor who believes in symmetry. So, for instance, I've balanced my role in Encino Man with my role in George of the Jungle; Blast from the Past with Bedazzled; Dudley Do Right with that Looney Tunes movie. After playing a sometimes bumbling yet overall competent and heroic adventurer in The Mummy movies, however, I decided to throw everyone off by taking on the much more complicated role of Alden Pyle in The Quiet American. I played opposite Michael Caine in that movie. Did you know that? But alas, my need for balance and symmetry eventually got the better of me, and I would play another heroic adventurer in Journey to the Center of the Earth. I don't know where this urge for order, this preference for cosmos over chaos, comes from. Perhaps a desultory childhood spent moving from one place to another with my traveling cosmetics salesman of a father is responsible. In any event, I am caught in a special effects-ridden spiral. It's horrible. And I don't know how to extricate myself from this cyclone of CGI-dependent madness. How did this happen? Remember how great I was in a special effects-less movie like School Ties? Can someone pitch me a movie that doesn't require special effects? It can have special effects, just as long as one scene doesn't. One scene. That's all I'm asking for. Can someone just write a fucking sequel to School Ties?