There is no Heaven

By Ron Asheton

To the uninformed, I am the guitarist of the Stooges. I died recently. I was the guitarist of the Stooges. The thing about dying is that you don't really know when exactly you do it. You know it's coming, you're preparing for it and then it happens, the precise moment of which is unknown to you because it's the precise moment that you, your thoughts, your feelings, your memories and everything about you, aside from your earthly vessel, cease to exist. Thus, I am no longer Ron Asheton. I am not, was never and never will be the guitarist of the Stooges. Furthermore, I am, have been and always will be the guitarist of the Stooges, just as I am, have been and always will be everything and everyone. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

The Stooges have long been considered one of the most influential rock and roll bands of all times (although, as I now know, this descriptor is misleading, because "times" do not exist, as everything, that is to say, every minute moment in history happens, has happened and will happen simultaneously ["history" is also misleading, due to its reliance on the notion of "time," which does not exist]. Time is a man-made construct; an attempt by the confused human mind to piece together that which cannot actually be pieced together, i.e. moments that occur simultaneously. The feeble, sluggish human mind is not able to register simultaneous moments, so it views, incorrectly, these simultaneous moments consecutively. Therefore, it can be argued that Sonic Youth was an influence on the Stooges, since both bands existed simultaneously). We get, have gotten and will get a lot of credit for being the godfathers of punk rock. But this is only one aspect of our role in musical "history." Many critics have, unfortunately, overlooked our role as the godfathers of Christian rock.

The Stooges are, were and always will be about Christ. Iggy, Scott, Dave and I are, have always been and will always be devout Christians, and the formation of the Stooges was predicated on our deep desire to spread His word. For instance, "I Wanna Be Your Dog" is about loyalty to the Lord, i.e. I will serve You, Lord, just as a dog serves his master. Thus, Lord, I wanna be Your dog. "Penetration" is about the Lord's love penetrating our souls. "We Will Fall" is an obvious reference to "The Fall of Man" (the haunting refrain of "Oh gi ran ja ran ja ja ran" is, was and always will be our own personal prayer to the Lord), in that we imagine what our collective life might be like in a state of defiance toward the Lord. We acknowledge the fatalism of The Fall (our banishment from paradise to a hotel, "room 121") and our resulting desire to return to the breast of God ("Don't forget to come, I'll be shakin', I'll be tremblin', I'll be happy, I'll be weak, and I'll love You, and I'll love You"). "Your Pretty Face is Going to Hell" speaks for itself (the Whore of Babylon). "L.A. Blues" is an instrumental representation of the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah (Los Angeles being the modern day equivalent of those cities). And "Dirt" is told from the perspective of Christ himself: "I been dirt and I don't care" represents His resurrection, just as "I been hurt and I don't care" represents the Passion. He doesn't care about being dirt (dead, i.e. one with the earth [dirt]) because He is resurrected. He doesn't care about being hurt (crucified) because He knows it is for the greater good (Note: Iggy fancied himself the Messiah and, to illustrate as such, often performed shirtless (like Christ on the cross), as well as cut himself with broken beer bottles at shows in the corresponding locations of the Stigmata). In fact, the whole of our second LP, Funhouse, is, was and always will be an allegory for Heaven. To the Stooges, Heaven must be a Funhouse.

Which is why I have been surprised to find that there is no Heaven. We wasted many years, guitar strings, drum heads, drumsticks and drops of blood preaching through music and spreading a word that doesn't exist. A word that never existed and will never exist. I am, have been and always will be a man of God, even though the lack of a Heaven, a Funhouse, proves that He doesn't, has never and will never exist. But I cannot deny my faith, or undo it, or transmogrify it into a faith that is more suited to my present situation, because faith does not exist. I have faith in God, but I know God doesn't exist, so I can't have faith, but I can't not have faith because I am dead and there is nothing... There is nothing. I have nothing. I have everything. I am not in Heaven. So where am I? Who am I? I am everywhere. I am in you. Your heart, your brain, your gallbladder. I am in your unborn child. I am currently dating your wife, whom you have yet to meet. I am in your wife. I am dating myself. But where am I? I am everywhere. I am passing your house slowly, in my Chevy, through the lightly falling snow, the passenger side window rolled halfway down, and I look through it, through the snow, into your living room, as you share a Christmas ham with your loved ones. I am in your local library, peering at you over the book I am pretending to read. I am at your wedding, having a delightful conversation with Aunt Grace, watching my champagne intake, because I am a doctor who has to work the graveyard shift tonight and help babies become born. But when am I? I am always. It is "1969." It is "1970." It is 3156. It is anytime. It is nothing. It is everything.

Oh gi ran ja ran ja ja ran.