Local Student Discovers He Likes Matt Dillon

ATHENS, OH-- Ohio University sophomore Corey Phillips discovered Monday, to his dismay, that he is a Matt Dillon fan. Friends close to the Bio-Chemistry major reported that in the evening, at approximately 8:10 EST, Phillips was hanging out with his girlfriend, checking his DVD's, and generally chilling when the revelation suddenly hit him. "I don't know how he hadn't figured it out, already," former roommate Dewey Dewey said, claiming he suspected Phillips was a Dillon-o-phile from the first week of school. "I mean, the guy brought an Outsiders poster to school and hung it up in our room. It was embarrassing." Most friends and relatives were shocked, though, upon hearing the news, from none other than Phillips himself. Many of his oldest, less-important high school friends were clueless, having known Phillips for close to ten years and living totally ignorant of his secret life as a Matt Dillon fan. Dewey, however, was totally unphased, adding: "I knew it all along."

It was an abrupt occurrence for Phillips himself, who told the Associated Press he was "taken aback" by the discovery and "totally off guard."

"I was looking at my DVD's, trying to pick out a movie to watch with my girl. I was reading the titles outloud to her when it just hit me, with a sudden crystalline clarity: Holy shit. I like Matt Dillon. I had to read them to myself over and over: Deuces Wild; One Night at McCool's; You, Me, and Dupree; Wild things. I can't believe I hadn't seen it all before."

Phillips' girlfriend was unavailable for comment. 

Now, almost five days after the initial discovery, friends close to Phillips claim things are starting to make sense: the desktop head shot of Dillon on his computer, the conspicuous DVD collection, the nights spent waxing rhapsodically on Dillon's 'hidden talent,' the button-up, business-casual style of dress. Years spent musing on Phillips' preference for male actors has finally come to a conclusion. "You know, he would always flippantly talk about how undervalued the guy is. How great he was in this and that movie, how he should have gotten the Oscar-nod for Crash. We would all be drinking, looking at each other, like: 'Okay, Corey, whatever. Whatever you say man...'" Best friend and fellow Clippinger hall intern Joey Joey recalled. "It could get kind of awkward," adding, whilst gazing wistfully out the large, lab window: "How could I have missed this. It is so obvious." 

As of press time Friday, it is unclear how Phillips is coping with the life-changing discovery, whether or not he'll remain with his girlfriend, or maintain any relationships with the same group of friends. "It is a pretty big deal, yeah," Phillips said, while calculating the amino-acid content of Wrigley's chewing gum in his lab, "It was a hard thing to admit to myself, and I've been coming to terms with it, slowly. Karen [Hocking College art history major, Karen Walsh] and I have been taking about it every night and I've had to sit down with some friends," Phillips continued, suddenly dropping a beaker, "Holy shit, has anyone told my parents???"