The Funion Reloaded

I have a dream the other night involving Kobe Bryant. I ask him, "What made you do that Guitar Hero commercial? It was clearly, if not intentionally, gay." And he says to me, "I like your honesty, Louis. Nobody talks to me like that anymore. I need people like you around me. Come play point guard for me on the LA Lakers." I say, "That's what I've been saying for years." 

To start our friendship he invites me to have dinner with him and the "Vincents," a shadowy couple sitting in the corner of Chammmpps Sports Bar. I agree. But it is a dream so you know how it goes and the next thing I know I'm having sex with Katherine Hegel, walking through Lincolnwood Elementary, and eating a Turducken and then checking my watch and realizing I've missed the whole thing! I walk back into Chammmps and there is Kobe sitting at the counter, a candle lighting his face, counting peanuts on the bar. He says, "The Vincents left. They were tired of waiting." I say, "Listen. Kobe. I'm so sorry. But something came up." But he doesn't give me a high-five, like I expect, but instead turns on the stool to reveal the same pink dress shirt, charmingly disheveled, that he wore in the Guitar Hero commercial. "I guess you don't want to play point guard for me after all." And I say, "Now that is absolutely not true, Kobe." And he says, "I talked to Phil. We already got Devin Harris instead." I say, "That sonuvabitch???" And he says, "Yes. I know how much you hate Devin Harris." We fight all night.

A long story short I end up playing point guard for years and I score 15.6 points per game, with 9.8 assists. That's almost a double-double. So eat shit Devin Harris.