Have You Guys Heard of this Band "The White Stripes"?

by Gus Frerotte

Playing in the NFL for fourteen years, I've kind of built the reputation as a music snob. My teammates are always telling me: "Hey Gus. Knock it off with those headphones, my man." At least I think that's what they are saying: I usually play my music pretty loud (It's the only way to rock, right guys?). But playing for the Bengals, and the Vikings, and also when I went to the Pro-Bowl playing for the Redskins, you know, I always, always rocked out before a big game. Back in 1996 I tried to get everyone into this band I discovered, Lead Zep Ellin, on this new thing, the Inter Net, but everyone just ignored me, saying: "That crazy Gus. What lo-fi indie band will he discover next? Just how much music can that efficient and always reliable quarter-back man listen to on a given day?" Well, bear with me today, guys, because I think I've caught on to something special: Have any of you guys heard of this band "The White Stripes?" 

Strange, it looks like they've released, like, six whole albums or something and, let's see, made twenty-six singles! How has no one ever heard of this band before? It's crazy! I just kind of stumbled on them and I simply adore their roots revival attitude and no nonsense approach to studio recording and blues-punk fusion. I think I heard somewhere that this guy, Jack White, is like seventy-years old or something and lives on a farm in the Klondike. How interesting? How really thought-provoking? And the drummer, Margaret White, is like his sister or something? Maybe she's his wife and she used to fly Blue Angels in the military and may actually be the Duchess of York, that or Jack White's brother. Anyways, all I know is that not a living soul has seen their two faces in fifteen years, about as long as I've been averaging solid QB ratings in the NFL for struggling offensives across the league. 

These guys are going to really break out soon let me tell you. So get your copy of White Blood Cells or Elephant today so you can be ahead of the curve and really brag to your friends when the band explodes. I'm really going to stick it to Adrian Peterson when that happens. He's always saying Kanye West this and Neil Diamond that and how he discovered both three years ago. Oh man, when the White Stripes hit it big I'm going to let him have it. 

THREE YEARS LATER...

Have any of you heard of these guys "The Raconteurs?"